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[immortalized]

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[gradationsofevil]

You speak in circles. I can't be sure if it's to avoid offense, or to avoid misrepresenting your own opinion - of which you're unsure. [ Ambrose isn't at all like Armand's sire, and yet today the differences from his ancient Master don't feel so much like failings as they have in the past. Where Marius could be strict, Ambrose is merely curious and concerned - where Marius could be frightening, Ambrose will bend and question and learn.

But perhaps the starkest difference is that Ambrose is no intentional leader, and yet Armand finds himself wanting to follow him regardless. ]

How many vampires have you met, Ambrose? How many have you watched rot as a result of poorly-chosen masters?

[ And then just like that, Ambrose is bold. Armand isn't started into responding - but the startle helps with the decision to respond. ]

My sire was unlike all other men. He rescued me when I was too young to be given the blood. He kept me warm and entertained and educated - until it was time for me to join him. Did we both beg our sires for that gift? Did we both want nothing more than to stay with them forever, when we had only a mortal's concept of such a thing?

[immortalized]

Strangely, on this subject, I am not uncertain, despite how little I can speak on on the subject of vampirism. You know me, dear — I simply speak in circles.

Not as many as I am sure you have met in your many more years on this earth. But I have met them. More like bad romances than successful upbringings. I wished I had been the only one, for I wouldn't wish that disappointment and heartbreak on my very enemy.

{ it is absolutely a possible fact that one can make a mistake. as much as one can think that they have a clear mind, have weighed all the factors, scrutinized the details, it is still possible to make a poor choice.


I did. I was told I meant the world to him. I was told he would make an angel of me, that we would spend eternity together without sadness or punishment for sin. Bliss. Paradise. A place where nothing of this 'mortal rot' could reach us. I was alone, I wanted death. You will see I was given only one of those things, in the end. Mine did not stay with me forever. I was taken from him, and he has never returned for me.

I can make the best out of this incredible gift I've been given, such as to cherish you and having found you, but those things I sought to have absolved still remain. And for the price I paid for it, it still hurts.

As mortals, we think forever means strength, security. I have begun to think mortality is such a wonderful thing because the briefness of their experiences is necessary. I fear not just anything can last forever, no matter how wonderful it may sound. I don't believe most souls can withstand living for so long. And I don't know that just any vampire can successfully make that choice for another.

[gradationsofevil]

[ Armand is accustomed to the delay in these texts. It's the quirk of this modern way of speaking - to spill sentences at a time, and yet have an artificial separation between paragraphs. It's unlike spoken word and written novels all at once, a beast unto itself.

And after those first two texts, Armand is feeling quite certain that his own sire is unique. Marius adored him, and he adored Marius. It's as simple as that - has to be. He remembers finally seeing him again after centuries of being left alone, after Marius' assumed death, and how the anger had coalesced into something hard and clear.

Armand had thought it like a diamond, as he'd hugged his sire for the first time in centuries.

Now, he reads Ambrose's texts and is, perhaps, weak in this moment of missing his old Master, because he reads and he thinks he sees a mirror. ]

We had strikingly similar sires, then. The difference is that mine did not betray me as yours did. He has not diminished my love for him. [ Are these words still true, of course, is a matter Armand will have to wrestle with as he moves on through this world, newly awakened to the idea of being able to construct his own opinions. ]

Many aged vampires perish by their own hands. Eternity is not for everyone. Of all the things the Children of Darkness told lies for, the concept of being picky with who to give the Dark Gift to was wise. Vampires as old as I are rare - and yet ones your age are nearly rarer still, now that everyone has slowed down in passing on their gifts.

It seems you and I may be in agreement, that we won't pass ours on.